Welcome to the LOUDEST DOT COM ON THE PLANET!
KNAC.COM
LISTEN NOW!WATCH NOW! LOGIN JOIN
MAGAZINEON-AIRDOWNLOADSCHATBOARDSCONTESTSSTORE
News

GWAR's Manager Sleazy P. Martini Issues Statement About GWAR Eternal Tour

By Larry Petro, News Monkey
Wednesday, October 15, 2014 @ 2:19 PM


Tour Begins Tonight In Norfolk, VA

- advertisement -

- advertisement -
Toodles, ya parasitic bohabs. It's me, Sleazy P Martini. As you may already know, GWAR will be out on the GWAR Eternal Tour starting tonight because Thai ladyboys don't pay for themselves. You smarter Bohabs have probably even noticed that GWAR has undergone a lineup change.

The reason for this is the absence of Oderus Urungus due to his return to space. First of all, let's clear something up: Oderus is not dead! Nor is GWAR. Now, admittedly things will be different. For instance, with Oderus's absence, touring expenses will be scaled back considerably as crack usage by the band will drop by over nine tons a day. To which I, the CIA and the Medellin Cartel respond with a collective: "Phew!" Now all those drug mules crossing the border can use the extra butt space for more important things such as food, water and more relatives.

Of course, there are many in the scene (code for no-talents) who say that with Oderus out of the band, GWAR should hang it up. To which I must respond: If I wanted your opinion, I would just knock you unconscious and urinate on your face. Which wouldn't elicit much of an opinion at all - just the way I like it. You see, GWAR is a perpetual and unstoppable force. If I tried to retire them, I most certainly would end up flayed, shredded, pulled and served with coleslaw and fries to Gor-Gor. One who is a lion tamer cannot suddenly decide to stop and ask his lions to become house cats. And GWAR's lust for human carnage cannot properly be met in semi-retirement on the talk-show circuit. So the shows must go on. And they have, starting with Riot Fest in Chicago. The GWAR Eternal Tour starts tonight in Norfolk, VA. and goes through December 13th in Baltimore, MD

Now, there are some who would say, "How can you find a lead singer as talented as Oderus Urungus?" To which I have responded by having famed archeologist Dr. Richard Leaky travel to Antarctica to dig up another immortal Scumdog. According to Dr. Dick, these furballs are stacked up in GWAR's fortress basement like chicken pot pies four for a buck. In fact, I have already thawed out one promising prospect named Blóthar. While not as talented a singer as most primates, he's definitely better than Justin Bieber or the entire ONE DIRECTION line up.

So, in response to all you haters who would give your left nut to see GWAR finally call it quits, you can go ahead and keep your left nut and hang it from your nose-ring for another 30 years, because GWAR AIN'T GOING NOWHERE! And though you may think GWAR sucks, remember that GWAR is immortal. So, long after your lame hipster ass is in the ground being used as a luxury condo by worms, maggots and pill bugs, GWAR will still be alive, sucking forever.

GWAR W/ DECAPITATED and AMERICAN SHARKS:

  • 10/15: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva
  • 10/16: Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
  • 10/17: Stroudsburg, PA @ Sherman Theater
  • 10/18: Worcester, MA @ The Palladium - "Rock and Shock Festival"
  • 10/19: Buffalo, NY @ The Town Ballroom
  • 10/21: Louisville, KY @ Expo Five****
  • 10/22: Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater
  • 10/23: Dallas, TX @ Gas Monkey Live
  • 10/24: New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues
  • 10/25: Austin, TX @ Emo's - "Housecore Horror Film Festival*
  • 10/26: Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live
  • 10/28: Oklahoma City, OK @ Diamond Ballroom
  • 10/29: Sauget, IL @ Pop's Nightclub
  • 10/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada Theater
  • 10/31: Denver, CO @ The Summit Music Hall**
  • 11/1: Albuquerque, NM @ Sunshine Theater
  • 11/2: Tempe, AZ @ The Marquee
  • 11/3: Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory
  • 11/4: Reno, NV @ Knitting Factory Concert House
  • 11/5: San Francisco, CA @ The Regency Ballroom
  • 11/6: Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues
  • 11/7: Las Vegas, NV @ Hard Rock Live
  • 11/8: Magna, UT @ The Great Salt Air
  • 11/10: Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory Concert House
  • 11/11: Portland, OR @ Roseland Theater
  • 11/12: Seattle, WA @ Showbox SODO
GWAR W/ TBA and AMERICAN SHARKS:
  • 11/14: Vancouver, BC and Commodore Ballroom
GWAR W/ CORROSION OF CONFORMITY and
AMERICAN SHARKS:
  • 11/15: Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory Concert House
  • 11/16: Calgary, AB @ MacEwan Hall Ballroom
  • 11/17: Edmonton, AB @ Union Hall
  • 11/19: Fargo, ND @ The Venue
  • 11/20: Minneapolis, MN @ Skyway Theater
  • 11/21: Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave
  • 11/22: Detroit, MI @ Harpo's
  • 11/23: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection***
  • 11/25: Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue
  • 11/26: Cleveland, OH @ House of Blues
  • 11/28: Charlotte, NC @ Tremont Music Hall
  • 11/29: Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory
  • 11/30: New York, NY @ Irving Plaza
  • 12/2: Nashville, TN @ Exit/In
  • 12/3: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel
  • 12/4: Pensacola, FL @ Venue 578
  • 12/5: Orlando, FL @ Firestone Live
  • 12/6: Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade
  • 12/7: Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall
  • 12/8: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater
  • 12/9: Toronto, ON @ Opera House
  • 12/10: Montreal, QC @ Virgin Mobile Corona Theater
  • 12/11: Clifton Park, NY @ Upstate Concert Hall
  • 12/12: New Haven, CT @ Toad's Place
  • 12/13: Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Sound Stage
* - No AMERICAN SHARKS
** - HAVOK plays on this show
*** - THE MEATMEN play on this show
**** - HUNTRESS plays on this show


Please log in to view RANTS

If you don't have a username, click here to create an account!

Username: 
Password: 

Message: 
 
 

 





 Recent News
Represent! Get Your KNAC.COM Bumper Sticker
Happenings This Week on KNAC.COM
MADBALL Release Music Video For "Freight Train"
ICARUS WITCH Return With Goodbye Cruel World Album
TRIBULATION Release "Nightbound" Video
VIRGIN STEELE Will Release With Seven Devils Moonshine Special 5 CD Boxset For Their 35th Anniversary
KNAC-FM DJ THRASHPIE Release Head Bangin' Radio Book
DREAM CHILD Drop "Midnight Song" Video
WITHIN TEMPTATION Announce New Album Resist
BMG To Reissue DIO's Classic 1996 - 2004 Studio Albums
DEE SNIDER Is "American Made" With New Video
STEEL PANTHER Announce More "SUNSET STRIP LIVE!" Tour Dates
IMPELLITTERI Unleash "Run For Your Life" Video
THE POWER OF THE RIFF Makes Its Return To Los Angeles In November
GRAVE DIGGER Stream New Track "The Power Of Metal"
VOIVOD Release "Inconspiracy" Video, 7 Inch EP
CASTLE Unveils New Song "Can't Escape The Evil"
MEGADETH Bassist DAVID ELLEFSON Announces East Coast "BASSTORY" Dates
FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH Premiere "When The Seasons Change" Video
UNLEASH THE ARCHERS Stream Track "Ten Thousand Against One"
LACUNA COIL Release "Blood, Tears, Dust" Clip From The 119 Show - Live In London
ARCHITECTS Return With Holy Hell Album
STEELHEART Set To Release Rock'n Milan Live Album, DVD
'A BOWIE CELEBRATION' Announces 32-Date North American Winter Tour
BLACKTOP MOJO Reveal PledgeMusic Campaign To Fund Upcoming Album
POP EVIL Announces 2018 Canadian Headline Tour Dates
SODOM To Release New EP Partisan In November
CIRITH UNGOL Releases First New Track Since 1991 With "Witch's Game"
STRATOVARIUS To Release Enigma: Intermission 2
ENUFF Z'NUFF Release Video For Title Track of New Album Diamond Boy
ALCATRAZZ Reveal Parole Denied-Tokyo 2017 Live LP
SEPTICFLESH Announce Show With Live Orchestra
HELIX To Release A Helix Christmas Album
SUPERSUCKERS Debut "History Of Rock N' Roll" Video
LOUDER THAN LIFE Daily Music Schedule Announced
STEVE VAI Reveals First Round Of Guests Performing At “The Big Mama-Jama Jamathon”
FIFTH ANGEL Unleash 'Can You Hear Me' Lyric Video
GHOST Announces 2019 European Headline Dates
WITHERFALL Release "Ode to Despair" Single/Video
AUDIOTOPSY Reveal Grooving New Track "What Am I?"
KROKUS To Call It A Day With "Adios Amigos Tour"
Former MUSHROOMHEAD Frontman, Co-Founder JEFFREY NOTHING Returns With New Single
METAL ALLEGIANCE Unleash New Beer Visualizer Video For "The Accuser"
FOZZY Announces Full Canadian Tour
SEVENTH WONDER Debut New Song "The Everones"
MADAM X Release ‘Monstrocity’ Music Video
GRETA VAN FLEET Announces Its Debut Full-Length Album, Anthem of The Peaceful Army
YOB Premiere "Original Face" Video
RIVER CITY ROCKFEST Announces Band Performance Times
BEHEMOTH Launches Video For "Wolves Ov Siberia"
RED FANG Announce Late 2018 West Coast Tour Dates
AFTERSHOCK, LOUDER THAN LIFE Festivals Announce VINNIE PAUL ALL-STAR TRIBUTES
OBSCURA Announce Winter 2019 Headlining Tour Dates
OZZY OSBOURNE Partners With OMAZE To Offer Fans An Epic Concert Experience
HOLTER Set To Release Vlad The Impaler Album
KAMELOT Premiere Video For "MindFall Remedy"
VICIOUS RUMORS Kick Off the "Digital Dictator 30th Anniversary Tour" With SOLD OUT Show In Santa Rosa
SEVEN KINGDOMS Announce North American Headline Tour
ANTHRAX To Celebrate The 30th Anniversary Of State Of Euphoria With Special Edition
STRYPER Guitarist OZ FOX To Resume Touring After Medical Scare
GWAR Takes Over DC's Rick And Morty-Themed Pop-Up Bar
FLOTSAM AND JETSAM Announce New Album, 2019 "Tour Of Chaos"
THE VEER UNION Launch "Living Not Alive" Video
KINGDOM COME Confirms Addditonal Tour Dates For Band's 30-Year Anniversary Tour
SUNFLOWER DEAD Release "Victim" Video
SOULFLY Stream Title Track To New Album Ritual
OPETH Start Pre-Order For "Ghost Of Perdition (Live)" On 10" Vinyl
Inaugural SURF CITY BLITZ Comes To SoCal This October
CONAN Release Video For New Single "Volt Thrower"
SATAN Release New Single, "Death Knell For A King"
WITHERFALL Set To Release New Studio Album A Prelude To Sorrow
DIAMOND HEAD Announce 2018 EU Tour
SUICIDAL TENDENCIES Announce CONVERSE Footwear And Apparel
SKULL FIST Reveal Way Of The Road Album Details





HOME | MAGAZINE | ON-AIR | DOWNLOADS | CHAT | BOARDS | CONTESTS | STORE | HELP

©2018 KNAC.COM. All Rights Reserved.    Link to us    Advertise with us    Privacy policy
 Latest News