Welcome to the LOUDEST DOT COM ON THE PLANET!
KNAC.COM
LISTEN NOW!WATCH NOW! LOGIN JOIN
MAGAZINEON-AIRDOWNLOADSCHATBOARDSCONTESTSSTORE
News

Dave Mustaine Soul Searches - Struggles with Aging

By Newsferatu, Writer
Wednesday, December 23, 2009 @ 10:12 AM


- advertisement -

- advertisement -
Megadeth leader, Dave Mustaine has posted the following update:

"I am struggling with the process of growing old. Not about the number of years that I have been here - 48; not the number of mistakes - a gazillion. Not the number of friends - 7 1/2; not the number of enemies a gazillion. Not about the color of my hair or beard - red and white; not the condition of my body or skin - very blue. Not even about the things that are on my Bucket list . . . no, not so much about me, but more my only begotten son. My firstborn.; my pride and joy.

The young man named Justis David Mustaine.

Where did the time go? Last night I was talking with Justis and he was describing why he wanted to go to college in the city he has chosen - 4+ hours up north, and I just couldn’t understand. I don’t know where the time has gone, I don’t know how I could have missed this, and I am so miserable about my choice to be away from my son, because of being a musician. I have missed out on so much of this little boy’s life.

Looking back at all of the ups and downs; I have been loving and fun, but also over bearing and heavy-handed. I have tried to celebrate occasions or had to discipline from over a telephone, and I have given and taken away almost everything he has ever had because of our predicament and the fact that I have forced him to grow up without a Dad in his life, and I’ll be damned if I am not repeating the same thing with my own childhood with Justis.

The drugs, the drinking, the bad behaviour and treatment of his mother and sister, not being there to teach him how to play sports, to wrestle, to fight, for homework, for fun, and for the difficult times like puberty, his first kiss, first beer, first anything . . . how could I have been so blind and so destined to repeat the same thing that my own Father had done to me. I am doing the same thing, right down to the last detail of living and dying alone.

I have met and agreed, but also had problems with his friends, and tried to encourage him, and we have fought and we have loved, and I know that he is proud of me, but I am so ashamed of the way I have been to him. I look at the posts of some of our lovely Droogies here, and just like the times that I have gotten involved in your own lives – like our friend in Philly that was getting assaulted by his Dad, or the Aussie Droog who was suicidal that I sat on the phone with, or any of the other times I have been here for you, and I ask myself, “Why can’t you be here like that for your own crowning jewel of your bloodline?” "Why can't you be here like that for Justis?" and I am not going to have to ever answer that question again.

This probably seems like it is coming out of left field, but it’s not. I am trying so very, very hard to get my life in perspective, and there have been so many things that have happened over the years that have made me the way that I am. I had to review my autobiography for legal purposes, and while the book describes what made me this way, it also shares how I want to change and what I am doing now to correct these own behaviours of mine and these past transgression or “scars,” if you will that I have or that I have caused.

So, today I am going to continue to celebrate his life, and share some of his time off for Christmas break. I look at him and he is so handsome and smart, and I think, “His mother has done such a great job (anyone that thinks mothers don't work their asses off are sadly mistaken - unless they are fat slags) with him while I was out doing my job; something that on the outside looking in for so many years appears to be a choice that I made to play the ‘rock star’ over being the ‘Dad’. Of course one is a role and the other is a gift from God; one is about ego and one is about esteem. And one will pay me now, versus one that will reward me forever.

I guess what I am saying today is if you are a parent; there is golden thread that sews the cloth that we (the parent and the child) are cut from “back together.” These "threads" that I watched held him together in nursery school when we drove away for the first day of school, when he was upset and crying. He didn’t know that I was upset and crying too. They held us together when we first started learning how to do “Hooked on Phonics,” and I started to see how smart he would become. They held us together when he got in trouble, they held when he was doing well.

But most importantly, now it is holding together the pieces of my world as I see my little boy prepare to move away.

So far the only thing that I know I have done better than my tortured alcoholic father is merely outliving him. I want to be a better Dad, to be available to talk or just listen, to show him the answers or just show him how to find them on his own, to play and to celebrate, to work out and to veg, to surf and ski/snowboard, or basically anything to spend time with this wonderful person that God has blessed me with. Don’t get this wrong and think this has anything to do with internet drama or that I don’t feel the same way about my wonderful Daughter. Remember too that drama starts with“der-rama” and as far as Electra goes, I have made considerably far less mistakes parenting her after learning what to do with her awesome big brother.

In closing, if you are a Droog and have children, PLEASE do not take for granted a single moment of their lives because they will want to move out soon – it is a natural process called individuation and its funny because everyone that I have talked to that is a parent is the same, either they don’t want them to go as a child and can’t wait for them to leave when they get older, or they want them to go when they are kids and have all of these plans, and once they get ready to go, the parent balks and can’t let go (this is me right now).

I am really learning so much about myself from my family, from my friends, and from my mentors and guides. I have learned how to deal with the label better (you have got to see that), how to deal with band disagreements (which we barely ever have and usually is about food), how to handle my emotions about the music business and all of the hard stuff like the gossip, the rumors, and the haters (I am doing better with this too, but I have a long way to go). But the most important thing I have learned this last year is that I do not know how to love people, places, or things very well.

I am going to start trying my best to learn to love. I imagine it will start a lot with keeping my big mouth shut :

I know he stopped coming here because of all of the negative stuff about his Dad, but if you read this Justis, I love you and I am so proud to be your Dad, and I am going to keep working everyday for the rest of my life here on Earth to be the best Dad in the world to you."


Please log in to view RANTS

If you don't have a username, click here to create an account!

Username: 
Password: 

Message: 
 
 

 





 Recent News
Represent! Get Your KNAC.COM Bumper Sticker
Happenings This Week on KNAC.COM
VELVET VIPER Announce New Album And Tour Dates
THE WILD! Debuts New "Best In The West" Video
ANVIL Announce US Tour
DIRTY THRILLS Debut "The Brave" Video
FULL OF HELL, GATECREEPER Announce North American Summer Tour
GRETA VAN FLEET Adds More Dates To 2018 Tour
PRIMORDIAL Releases Video For "To Hell Or The Hangman"
GUS G Set To Release His Third Solo Album, Fearless
MELVINS Stream New Track "Stop Moving To Florida"
GLENN HUGHES Announces 'Deep Purple Live' UK Tour
SNAKEYES Releases "Evolution" Video
HALESTORM, IN THIS MOMENT To Co-Headline All Female-Fronted Live Trek
BLACK LABEL SOCIETY Debuts "A Love Unreal" Video
ORIGIN Announce "The Unparalleled World Tour 2018"
Ex-MISFITS FrontMan MICHALE GRAVES Announces "The Beginning Of The End Tour 2018" European Tour
MYLES KENNEDY Streams Lyric Video For "Devil On The Wall"
FACING FIRE Premieres "Filthy Life" Video
ROCKLAHOMA Daily Band Lineups Announced
SKINDRED Release First Music Video For Track "Machine"
DEAD HORSE TRAUMA Announces European Tour With EKTOMORF
MARCO MENDOZA Streams New Track "Sweetest Emotions"
FULL TERROR ASSAULT FEST IV Initial Lineup Revealed
IRON ANGEL Debut "Ministry Of Metal" Single, Video
LIFE OF AGONY Return Home To Brooklyn For 2 Intimate Nights At Saint Vitus
COLD KINGDOM Announces US Dates With SLEEP SIGNALS On TOUR RITO SUPREME Tour
VOICES OF EXTREME Unleash "Black Betty" Cover Video
AMORPHIS, DARK TRANQUILLITY Confirm 2018 North American Co-Headline Tour
Heavy Metal Mariachi Masters METALACHI Announce Spring Tour Dates
BLITZKRIEG Explode Onto The Scene Once More With Judge Not
MINISTRY Reveals All-Star Guest Lineup For Spring Tour
ANGRA Premiere New Video For "War Horns"
CONAN Reveal Brand New Album, Tour Dates
DOYLE Announces 'As We Die World Abomination Tour' 2018
SALEMS LOTT Ready Full Length Mask Of Morality Album
TESSERACT Set For New Album, Sonder
VENOM INC. Release "War" Lyric Video
STRYPER Return With New Album God Damn Evil
JUDAS PRIEST Guitarist GLENN TIPTON Diagnosed With Parkinsons
MR. BIG Drummer PAT TORPEY Dies At 58
BLACK STONE CHERRY Set To Release Family Tree
TWITCHING TONGUES Confirm Headline, Support Dates
KREATOR Reissue Four Classic 90’s Era Albums
BLACKTOP MOJO Release Underneath Acoustic Video
ELECTRIC FUNERAL FEST III Announces Initial Lineup
EDDIE THE BIRD Lands In IRON MAIDEN’s Mobile Game
AMON AMARTH Albums Deceiver Of The Gods And Jomsviking Get LP Reissue
JIZZY PEARL OF LOVE/HATE Set For All You Need Is Soul Solo Album
'THANKS. AND SORRY: THE CHUCK MOSLEY MOVIE Announced
STAGMA To Release New Self-Titled Album In April
OZZY OSBOURNE Announces "No More Tours 2" North American Dates
RIVERS OF NIHIL Reveal Details For New Album, Where Owls Know My Name
NORTHERN INVASION Daily Band Lineups Announced
POISON, CHEAP TRICK And POP EVIL Join Forces For "Nothin' But A Good Time 2018" U.S. Summer Tour
FACING FIRE Set To Release Debut Self-Titled EP
DYING FETUS Announce Co-Headlining Tour With THY ART IS MURDER
ARMORED SAINT Plot First Ever South American Tour
L.A. GUNS Release Live Video For "No Mercy"
WAR OF THRONES "Rule The World" On New Track
A PERFECT CIRCLE To Eat The Elephant In April
TENGGER CAVALRY "Ride Into Grave And Glory" In New Streaming Track
NEPTUNE Reunite Again After 30 Years
LIGHT THE TORCH (FKA DEVIL YOU KNOW) To Have A Revival On March 30th
TEMPTING FATE Launch Video For "I'd Rather Burn"
KOBRA AND THE LOTUS Unveil Prevail II Album Details
GYGAX Premieres "The Lascivious Underdark" Track
ACT OF DEFIANCE Announce Spring Headline Tour
DARKEST HOUR Premieres "Enter Oblivion" Video
Calgary's 420 MUSIC & ARTS FESTIVAL Announces 2018 Line-Up
JUDAS PRIEST Stream Title Track To Firepower Album
Shock Rockers GRANNY 4 BARREL To Hit The Road With TEXAS HIPPIE COALITION
SEBASTIEN Unleash New "Die In Me" Video
MAMMOTH GRINDER Share "Locust's Nest" Video
NOVAREIGN Premiere Track Heavy Heart
CHASTAIN Release The Voice Of The Cult: 30 Years Heavy
BONFIRE Set To Release New Album Temple Of Lies
ROCK ON THE RANGE Comedy Lineup Announced
WITHERFALL Premiere Video For "Portrait"
IRON ANGEL Reveal Hellbound Album Details
OBITUARY Announce North American Headline Tour
THERION Present Music Video For "Theme Of Antichrist"
HEAVY SCOTLAND Returns For 2018 Edition
MINISTRY Unveil Lyric Video For "Wargasm"
BUDDERSIDE Announce Winter U.S. Tour Dates With LA GUNS
SILK9 Unveils New Video, "I Don't Know"
MOONSPELL Announce Latin America Tour For April
PHIL CAMPBELL AND THE BASTARD SONS Release "Dark Days" Music Video
LAS RAGEOUS Music Festival Announces Updated Performance Lineup
CLUTCH Announce Spring Headline Tour Dates
FOZZY Debuts New "Painless" Video
'CHAOS AND CARNAGE' Tour Unveils Inaugural Lineup And Dates
KILLER DWARFS Sign To EMP Label Group, New Live LP Live, No Guff Coming In April
ALLEGAEON Launches Cover Of RUSH's "Animate"
W.E.T. To Release Earthrage Album In March
X JAPAN Return To U.S. For COACHELLA 2018 Debut
UNRULY CHILD Announce Unhinged- LIVE FROM MILAN! CD/DVD





HOME | MAGAZINE | ON-AIR | DOWNLOADS | CHAT | BOARDS | CONTESTS | STORE | HELP

©2018 KNAC.COM. All Rights Reserved.    Link to us    Advertise with us    Privacy policy
 Latest News