Tuesday, May 14, 2002 @ 11:25 PM
Motorhead Rips Up NYC at WWF T
- advertisement -
TO: SUMNER REDSTONE
[PARENT COMPANY MTV]
FROM: MICK STINGLEY
RE: MOTORHEAD PROPOSAL
You aren’t making nearly enough money, and at your age (‘80s), you have to begin planning for your Disney-like cryogenic future. With that in mind, here is a television proposal bound to make you C.E.O. FOR ETERNITY!
With the runaway overnight success of the wildly popular, out-of-the-box dysfunctional, feel-good reality-based family parade, The Osbournes, I think you can ride the wave of rock by capitalizing on another hard-rock icon, the charming, ageless Lemmy Kilmister (of Motorhead). I call the new show- SO YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL? It’s a marriage of Jackass meets MTV News meets Survivor meets Behind The Music.
The idea came to me last night at The World in New York City -- (only two blocks from your office! Scary!) Motorhead came and rocked. That’s really all that needs to be said. They are the coolest band in the world, and I put it to you that that idea isn’t subjective, but FACT! They played, they WWF RAW, they conquered! At some point in the show, Motorhead introduced an old friend, who turned out to be Carmine Appice, the drummer from Vanilla Fudge (after your time, babe). The crowd seemed to dig him, and cheered him on. Given how SERIOUSLY hardcore, rock and metal this crowd was, any cheering was not to be taken lightly. Then it occurred to me: WHAT IF the crowd didn’t like Carmine?
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Game Show Gone Rock And Roll-YOUTH-Wild?
Here’s how it would go…
The camera would open up on a crowded rock club chanting “MOTORHEAD!
MOTORHEAD!” Again and again. Motorhead would come out and start playing, as they did last night, “We Are Motorhead.” Then after a few songs, they would introduce the special celebrity guest. THAT’S RIGHT! Every week a different Special Guest Celebrity, like Love Boat or Behind The Music, or Court TV. Of course, a MUSIC celebrity, in keeping with format… Each celebrity would be chosen based on their lack of interest in good rock music, and the idea that, as they act so, they must think that they are cooler than Motorhead. That’s the conflict. Each celebrity would have to outline their deeds and contributions to music, after which Lemmy would say, “Right,” …and launch into “Ace Of Spades” -- or “Overkill,” “Killed By Death,” “You Might Have the Power, But You Haven’t Got the Right,” “God Save the Queen,” “Shoot You In The Back,” “Stay Out Of Jail,” “Sacrifice,” “R.A.M.O.N.E.S.,” or any of the many songs they played last night.
At that point, the Special Guest Celebrity (or “CelebUstar”) would be tossed into the raging pit by a roadie. If the crowd hates them, they would be crushed and stomped and beaten to death. If the crowd liked them, then they could have their video shown on MTV in Heavy Rotation for ONE WEEK. If they lose, well, I’m sure the fellas down in Legal can handle the details. You don’t need to be concerned about that. No one will be able to touch you. The key to the show is that every celebrity-contestant must answer that they in-fact think they are cooler than Motorhead, which by virtue of its existence renders the idea inconceivable.
NO ONE IS COOLER THAN MOTORHEAD.
I have always known this, and this is what I came away with last night: and what every viewer in THE WORLD will come away with once this airs. Look at the way Rosie O’Donnell champions The Osbournes! I say, why not share it with the rest of the world who are clearly sleeping at their desks and ignoring the obvious? Untapped markets means CASH, baby! That’s right, I said it! I envision a thirty-minute program, with commercial demographic potential from 18- 55! Think of it, babe! You can pitch Superbowl-Money Time to everyone from Clearasil to Medic Alert!
The only problem is getting Motorhead to commit to the idea. But, hey -- stranger things have happened. (The Osbournes?) Lemmy does have a great sense of humor -- he even did a “Kit-Kat” commercial in the U.K. Why not at least pitch it to him? And while you’re at it, start lining up some annoying “CelebUstars” like Scott Stapp, the little fat singer from Staind and Cher. And anyone who has a CD on the Billboard charts, or is “All The Rage”- (see my earlier memos on “The White Stripes,” “The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s” and “The Strokes”) or has a line of clothing… and Andrew W.K. And, well, now that Britney is smoking, I think we ought to skip her…