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Kerby Narrowly Escapes Telephonic Death In His Exclusive Interview With GWAR's Oderus Urungus

By Jeff Kerby, Contributor
Sunday, July 16, 2006 @ 6:19 AM

"That’s why people are smart e

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    “The band is best known for their elaborate sci-fi, horror film inspired costumes; raunchy, obscene, politically incorrect lyrics; and graphic stage performances, which consist of humorous re-enactments of scatology, sadomasochism, necrophilia, pedophilia, bestiality, , fire dancing, pagan rituals, executions, and other controversial violent and political themes.”----Wikipedia

Geez. When you put it that way, it almost makes GWAR seem undesirable or evil or something, and, of course, at the center of this violent, alien maelstrom is none other than Oderus Urungus aka Dave Brockie. When interviewing him, one never knows if he will be talking to Dave, Oderus or an amalgam of both. If you think about it, we should all have an alternate character with which to hand our daily frustrations. Say, grandma leaves a turd in the toilet without flushing, you wouldn‘t necessarily have to respond by going, “shucks gram, can’t ya just remember to flush?” Nope, if your alternate personality or character was evil like Oderus, you could just go, “fuck, bitch--flush the goddamn toilet or I’m gonna pull your old yellow eyes out!” In theory, you would be able to get away with it too because it technically wouldn’t be you, Billy Bob, saying it.

If one believes the mythology behind the band, the best part of 80’s hair metal was the fact that all of those aerosol cans actually put a hole in the ozone layer right above Antarctica which eventually melted the iceberg in which the Scumdogs of the Universe had been imprisoned by The Master so many years before. Since their release from this icy hell, GWAR has been one of the hardest working acts in the business releasing a ton of material and touring nearly every venue of note in the country and all over the world. Having just celebrated their twentieth year of rock and roll existence, Oderus and the rest of the creatures are currently eating gallons and gallons of baby placenta and fecal matter on this year’s Sounds of the Underground Tour. Lucky spectators can hope to have fake blood; semen or basically any other bodily fluid sprayed over their entire humanoid carcasses compliments of a variety of unsavory characters. No celebrity is safe either as GWAR has made a cottage industry of mutilating the likenesses of Paris Hilton, Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson and Jerry Garcia---darn, no Rosie O’Donnell yet though. Some of their stage antics have, of course, earned them the ire of many parents and political pundits throughout the years, yet ironically many of them are long since gone while the immortal Scumdogs of the Universe continue on in their quest for world domination. As the mighty Oderus says, “in GWAR we can all rejoice.”

KNAC.COM: Kevin Federline is now charging 20K to attend private parties. How much would GWAR pay to get him onstage?

ODERUS: Kevin Federline?

KNAC.COM: Yeah, and you get to do what you want with him when he gets up there.

ODERUS: I wouldn’t spend a penny on that drowned rat. I would just drive him through the stage at sword point and have my way with him. I’m wouldn’t spend a penny.

KNAC.COM: Does he basically embody all that is wrong with the human race?

ODERUS: He certainly represents all that is wrong with the entertainment industry. Basically, it’s just a situation where you have someone completely and utterly devoid of talent that becomes a star because they’ve married someone who is totally and utterly completely devoid of talent.

KNAC.COM: It has been said that Wynonna Rider sucked the talent out of every person she was ever with--can we now say for certainty that Kevin has completely stripped Britney of any hotness she may have ever possessed?

ODERUS: Totally, man. I never thought she was all that hot to begin with though. If you look at her from the side, her forehead sticks out further than her nose. I was never much for that Polly Puritan image. For a little bit of time there, she was kinda hot, but Kevin sucked her dry, pretty much--a couple of babies didn’t help too much either.

KNAC.COM: At this point couldn’t you shake about any given trailer park in the U.S. and have at least six or seven Britney look-alikes fall out?

ODERUS: Yeah, and then we could have them all go and live on the island of Britney Spears and just go there and have sex with all of them.

KNAC.COM: That would be great---the travel slogan could be “all the cellulite you can handle minus the brains!”

ODERUS: Well, I dunno. They might starve pretty rapidly out there. They’d be running for their lives from all the wild boars that inhabit the island.

KNAC.COM: I know a constant pseudo target for you guys is also Sharon Osbourne. Given that, I’ve got to ask you--are we too far away from the day when Ozzy will pass on, and Sharon will continue Ozzfest simply by propping up his corpse with a stick and cranking his solo material from a boom box?

ODERUS: Yeah, I don’t think it really matters whether Ozzy is alive or dead at this point. He’s just kind of propped up and he sort of wheels about doing these puppet machinations that give his body the appearance of life--that’s true for her as well.

KNAC.COM: But hey, it’s really important that Sharon have a bunch of surgical nips and tucks done while buying a new bag from Prada every other day, isn’t it? Let’s not forget the kids either--they are pretty Kevin Federlinesque themselves. Shouldn’t they also reap the benefits?

ODERUS: I think so. For some reason this culture has decided to turn these worthless personalities into celebrities and give them money and acclaim and fame. Then they give them a platform to discuss their idiotic views on world politics. It’s just a sad indication of how stupid everyone has gotten.

KNAC.COM: Can anyone really expect a democracy to function appropriately in a society that doesn’t function very well cognitively?

ODERUS: Yeah, you voted in George Bush as your President. How can you not expect to be entertained the likes of Jessica Simpson and American Idol?

KNAC.COM: Is all of that just part of some big conspiracy to make an already lazy grouping of people even that much dumber too?

ODERUS: Well, at least you have your GWAR to be thankful for.

KNAC.COM: Someone needs to carry that torch out leading out of the darkness--why not you?

ODERUS: Yes, in GWAR we can all rejoice.

KNAC.COM: And you do provide a public function for all of those who are unable to unleash their rage on particular celebrities like Paris Hilton. In a sense, you do it for them.

ODERUS: That’s why we do it. You get a chance to live vicariously through GWAR--at the end of the day, don’t worry because justice will be done.

KNAC.COM: That’s right--served every night on every stage in a town near you…because you have played virtually every town in North America, right?

ODERUS: We’re working on it right now. This is just the beginning of an entirely new tour schedule, but yes, by the time it’s done we will have played from the most tiny, shittiest dives to the most hulking arenas. Yes, they are our stomping grounds.

KNAC.COM: What would you say is the biggest difference between the Sounds of the Underground Tour and Ozzfest in terms of how they are perceived?

ODERUS: Well, I guess we’re the young upstarts trying to claim our piece of the pie. You know, Ozzy is well entrenched and very powerful. They’ve got very big acts--very good acts over there. Sounds of the Underground kind of represents more of the cutting edge of what’s going on--I think the market can bare them both. I think they both offer something.

KNAC.COM: How do you keep from choking someone when they ask you “isn’t it hot in that suit?”

ODERUS: Actually, I don’t keep myself from choking them.

KNAC.COM: Do you answer as you choke them?

ODERUS: Human blood is 98 degrees, so we are already hot. I’ve always loved the feeling of bathing in molten lava. It really doesn’t bother me--I used to have a condominium on the surface of the sun, so it doesn’t really bother me that much. If I got mad every time a human asked me a stupid question, I’d get angry all the time, since I’m angry all the time anyway, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

KNAC.COM: How many times a day would you say that you want your head to explode--just a rough estimate--even with you being from another planet or another galaxy?

ODERUS: It’s starting to happen right now, actually.

KNAC.COM: You want your head to explode?

ODERUS: No, I want your head to explode.

KNAC.COM: Wow, if you could make that happen through the telephone line, that would be amazing.

ODERUS: That’s why people are smart enough to interview me over the telephone because they can pretty much say whatever they want.

KNAC.COM: So you’re saying that the ground rules change substantially depending on if the interviewer is in direct, close proximity with interviewee?

ODERUS: If I was within sword’s reach of you right now, you’d be editing your questions a little more carefully.

KNAC.COM: Wow. How many times do you threaten bodily harm to an interviewer in a given day? I’m starting to feel special here.

ODERUS: Not very often---but, you haven’t brought forth any real rageful lust in me yet.

KNAC.COM: Aw man, I was hoping for a t-shirt or something. “I was threatened by Oderus!”

ODERUS: No, the worst are when you have twelve or thirteen interviews in a row--they could be asking the nicest questions in the world, but once you get up to interview number ten…

KNAC.COM: It all has to blend in--it just has to. Then, you have to come up with ten different responses to “what does GWAR stand for?”

ODERUS: I’ve gotten asked that at least eight billion times. The thing is, I’ve never given the right answer either because we don’t even know.

KNAC.COM: Yeah, but everyone who has ever interviewed you thinks they have the scoop though.

ODERUS: And they’re wrong.

KNAC.COM: C’mon, you can’t tell them that though because for many, that will be their claim to journalistic fame--- “I unraveled the mystery of what GWAR stands for!”

ODERUS: Yeah, we just tell them that they’re right and let them go ahead and get on with it.

KNAC.COM: Truly--why shouldn’t you? It makes them happier and increasing everyone’s self esteem should be what we’re all about, right?

ODERUS: Certainly. That is GWAR’s prime directive in life.

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