Monday, March 11, 2002 @ 10:25 PM
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“The Devil made me do it…it was so much fun!!!”
That was my response to officer Perkins after he caught me on my neighbor’s lawn gibbering madly, coated in blood and feces last week. I don’t remember much, but I do dimly recall capturing the neighbor’s dog and urinating on it. Serves him right for all the times he’s pissed in my damn bushes.
The above quote also happens to be from the first track off Bile’s brand new batch of industrial evil entitled Demonic Electronic. I used to be able to pass for ‘fairly normal,’ but Bile has finally eroded what little gray matter I had left!! They have driven me to the burning fringes of insanity, and I’m not the only one! One listen to this horrid display of sheer violent psychosis will have you slaughtering friends and family alike!!! No one is safe!!!
Now, you may be asking, “Jon, why the hell would I want to subject myself and my loved ones to a bloody torturous end, all because of some band I’ve never even heard of?” Well, the simple fact is, this CD is worth slaughtering an entire nursery school for! And come on, you don’t honestly like your relatives do you? I didn’t think so…
For those of you who aren’t up to speed on the vileness that is Bile, I’ll fill you in briefly. These self-proclaimed “Industrial Terrorists” have been around since 1992 making music, inducing seizures, and spreading their rancid disease nationwide. Currently the band sports three members: Dave Sussman on guitar, R.H. Bear on bass, and Krztoff the sick fuck that’s responsible for it all!! On top of writing all of the music and lyrics, Krztoff also performs all of it in studio.
So, how’s the album? Well, just look at what it’s done to me! The first track, “The Devil’s Bile,” starts the album out like a fucking train wreck. Loaded with machine gun double bass, and violent guitar riffs, the weaker listeners won’t survive the trip. The second track, “Legion,” also happens to be the first single. This is the one that sent me into a frenzy. I was pulling out my own hair and vomiting in my shoes the instant the song’s vicious chorus battered my already softened brain!
After a short instrumental track carrying the same name as the album comes the catchy, hook laden “Celebrity.” For all of you who despise the MTV crowd as much as I do, this song will have you burning effigies of all those well-known VJ’s we’ve come to hate so very very much.
Next is one of my favorite tracks off the disc, “Prime Time Loser.” Terrifyingly catchy and fast paced, this is by far one of my favorite Bile songs I’ve heard yet, and that’s saying A LOT. I just wish to God that I could make out the lyrics!!
“Bad Karma” and “The Hatred Acid” are my least favorite of the bunch, but are still completely worthy of beating someone senseless to. Another instrumental track, “Buried in the Back” follows. The album is then closed by the vicious “Demons” and the nine-minute massacre, “Jerk.” “Demons” was actually the song that was running through my head last night as I was beating the daylights out of my mom with a shower rod. It’s sort of a tradition in my family. I show up each Friday night and wallop her into submission. Ah, the old “Beat mom senseless with a shower curtain rod” trick. Gets her every time!
One of the nice things about this CD is that, if you act quickly enough, you might receive a special limited edition disc that come with five bonus tracks! The tracks are demos from 1993, produced by Sascha Konietzko of KMFDM!! All of them are previously released material including “No I Don’t No,” “Compound Pressure” (with alternate lyrics), “I Reject,” “Submission,” and “TeknoWhore.”
If I have one gripe with this CD, it’s that without those five extra tracks, the album contains only ten songs. Two of which are instrumental. But, aside from that one complaint, this is by far the best album Bile has released yet! Every track will have you punching babies and killing puppies in no time! If you want to purchase a copy, you’ll have to make a quick trip to either Metropolis.com or the band’s site, Bilestyle.com, seeing as it’s an independent release.
So, I’m gonna go wash myself up. The vomit and semen are starting to harden all over my body, and it’s making it hard to type. By the way, if any of you happen to run across a short guy convulsing and soiling himself on somebody’s lawn within the next few months, be a pal and stuff his wallet in his mouth for him… just to make sure he doesn’t bite his tongue off!